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I do have an answer to why you feel like you're bad at self-care. Why does it seem to feel that you are good at meeting another's needs, but when it comes to self-care you miss the mark? That what you did for self-care didn't actually make you feel that much different? That it's not really worth it. This is why:
Dear one, self-care is not a prescription. It is a question. That question sounds something like this:
”Honey, what, right now, would really add support to your whole being?”
When we're truly present with someone else we care about who is in pain, we are asking this naturally, getting to all its parts -- affection, patience, attention, curiosity about true needs, focus on adding health, seeing and meeting the whole person, and listening for the answer. Even being asked is already adding well-being into them. And when we love, we're not there to feel good by cleaning up something on the surface. We want to make a real difference and we ask until we get deep.
So next time your body sends the message -- overwhelm, pain, fatigue, contraction -- just stop. Ask the full question. And don't give up. Repeat the question until you get down to the real answer. Then you can take steps, make promises, make plans and set some boundaries. Make calls, make dates, tell truths, use your imagination. Real rest, real play, real love. Real life, dearest, is only and all I have ever wanted for you.
“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” C.S. Lewis
Now, love, you'll never be shamed into another mildly pleasant and frustrating bubble bath ever again.
Onward, beloved.
Lorca
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