“Dear one, there is a certain kind of problem that is not for fixing. Heartbreak is one of these, and grief. Even certain kinds of outrage, and experiences of being broken open. And our hearts are asking us to 'solve' these problems immediately, to make it better, to be able to feel different and whole again. And we get reactive. So this kind of inner dialogue truly is worth taking apart just a little for when it comes around. Think of it this way:
Notice, darling, that grief is at its deepest heart an act of love. We grieve because we loved, and continue to love. And outrage and anger, too, can be seen to have at its base something that deeply matters. So the first part is honoring that, and not skipping over it. When we’ve lost someone, we didn't want not to have loved. We didn't want to un-make that part of ourself, or to erase them. So the gift we ask of ourselves is to grow big enough inside to deny neither, to hold both deep love and true grief or anger inside simultaneously, with cupped and generous hands. And how do you do this?
You add health. Immediately and through time you add and accept health into the system at every turn, from any direction, at any scale. You feed yourself into a gorgeously integral system with all the capacity it needs to grieve or rage in wholeness, to feel what needs felt, and to respond in your own time and manner, in a way that in turn will add health to the larger systems. You add moments and actions of sleep and movement and intelligence and caring, you add moments of kindness and ease and speaking what is true. You add health by asking for help and accepting it where it's offered. Adding health is not huge and sexy, but is the natural act of one who acknowledges this foundational felt love -- love for yourself, love for another, love for this world.”
This week I lost a lamb when it was born. And I watched the other seven born already this week bounce like popcorn all around me as I sat and held it, black and curly and soft and gone. Throughout my days, the truest solace for the pain in farming, is farming itself. We live life lost back into the world.
“When we see and hold the love at the heart of each emotional wave that is moving through us, we honor that love, we honor ourselves, we honor what has broken, and what still matters moving forward.”
We ask ourselves, in good times and bad, "How do I create support for this, for being vast and warm inside, a spacious home for every breaking open that comes?"
And we say yes to all that answers.
Right now, do a quick survey of how you are spending the resilience currency you have. You can even sketch a quick four-square chart mapping for high and low ease, high and low impact in your world. Put your tasks for the next few hours into it. What do you really want from and for this time? (No, REALLY what do you want from this time?) Steer yourself gently away from the low-ease + low-impact actions. And gladly and generously give yourself and the world the choices where from ease you make a beautiful difference.
Now act, beloved.
And always, you can write me back. I am loving your answers, your letters, your thoughts like I love the farm ravens that come to talk to me.